When life imitates the blog

Usually it’s the other way around.  Life happens, I write about it. Easy.

But sometimes it’s backwards.

Like today.

My blog is not about using the restroom or hovering but I have to continue the conversation from Sunday. The poll results were very eye opening, by the way.  Wow! Bare bum ladies are all over the place!

And as some said, hovering leads to urine all over the place.

And as I learned today.  That’s true. All hoverers should be warned. This could happen to you…

Alone with my 2 year old in a bathroom stall at McDonalds, there I hovered.

I know these bathrooms.  They are relatively clean and easy to access.  They are one of my go to places when I head to town and need to use the loo.  Starbucks is also on my list with Old Navy coming in third…Old Navy’s bathroom is in the way back of the store and I have been known to shop on the way back to the car so I leave that as a last resort.

But any good mommy knows where she can find a restroom either for herself or for her child, at any moment.  We just know. And if we don’t, we find one FAST.

So, today I headed to town with Leah to get my new computer power cord.  $89 later, and I realized that I had forgotten to go to the bathroom while at Walmart earlier…I didn’t really forget but I would rather hold it then go in their bathroom with a touchy toddler. (can you say d.i.r.t.y.)

I also forgot when I went to the CLEAN mac store…I totally had planned on going there but alas, a climbing toddler made me forget that I was aching to use a restroom (please tell me I am not the only mom that forgets to go to the bathroom!)

So McDonalds, it was.  We headed in, it’s right to the right of the back door and it’s CLEAN! Yay!

“Leah, DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING!”

“Ok Mom”

Alright.  I put down multiple sheets of toilet seat covers and even hung them over the edge.  Nothing was touching this mama.

And then for some reason I decided to hover too.

Bad idea.

Very Very bad idea.

Trying to keep my eye on Leah, my legs from buckling and all urine in the toilet was…damn near impossible.

And here is where I totally grossed MYSELF out.

I peed. And it went on the cover. And then it started rolling DOWN the cover. Off the lip of the cover and onto the ground BY MY FEET.

Feet which were not covered but instead were naked in flip flops.

Ewww.

I couldn’t stop peeing. I tried to channel my kegal muscles but it was a lost cause.  Trickle trickle trickle.

Splashing.

Utter grossness.

My own utter grossness.

On the floor.

In a puddle.

For some poor woman to walk into next, who will surely think the worst of the soul who used the toilet before her (me).

I tried my best to clean it up but didn’t want to totally clean the toilet.  God forbid I get other people’s urine on me in the process.

And then we left.

After a thorough washing of our hands.

And quick RUN outta there.

And a promise to myself to NEVER EVER EVER hover again.

(and to do my kegel exercises three times a day…by the way, have you done your kegels today?)

Comments

  1. Sarah,

    Too funny! (well, in retrospect only, right!?) Experiences such as these are the little things that we have to laugh about. I’ll bet you won’t give your hubby a hard time about sprinkling on the toilet seat now :) If you do plan to give hovering another shot, a little tip: it’s best to hover on your tiptoes and point down :)

  2. Hahahaha…great story! So glad I took the time to read it. Sorry, lurker but never left a comment. I love your style and your blog.

    Poor you!

    Kegels are hard to do when you are squatting.
    .-= Maria´s last blog ..Education World ® Lesson Planning: Celebrate the 100th Day in 100 Ways =-.

  3. You crack me up!!!

  4. Dana and Thao! Great to see you ladies!! It’s been a while!!

  5. Tyra talked about the hover and gave pointers but I don’t think she talked about it rolling down onto your foot and how to prevent that. This is too funny and will make me think twice about hovering.
    .-= Thao´s last blog ..Croup is crappy =-.

  6. HA!! Girl, thanks for that!! Made my day!! :)
    .-= Dana Blake´s last blog ..The Dangerous Book For Boys =-.

  7. Oh Sarah! What a nightmare…IN PUBLIC! haha!

    If if makes you feel better…last week I was using the bathroom and heard my toddler start to choke on some apples. My 4 yr old started screaming, “he’s choking mom!” So, I tried to stop the flow of pee…but it didn’t happen. I pulled my pants up and went running to help my son. YEP – peed my pants completely down to my socks! I was about to die! LOL My daughter was like…”mom…ummmm…you peed your pants!” HAHA!! Nice.
    .-= Kasey @ All Things Mamma´s last blog ..Green Tip – Seal Drafts Around Windows and Doors =-.

  8. Oh- laugh.
    Hovering takes alot of skill- I have not perfected it. Why is that once we become mothers, pee, poop, and vomit, are the things our lives revolve around? :)
    Happy peeing!
    .-= MommyNaniBooboo´s last blog ..What IS that scent you’re wearing? =-.

  9. I’m sad to say…it has happened to me too!

  10. For the record, I am NOT usually a hoverer…I am a liner…three times over. I thought I’d try the hover out – it can be a good workout, so I heard. But, I shall never hover again.

  11. YOU LEARNED YOUR LESSON MISS HOVER-ER! This story cracked me up!
    .-= Laura´s last blog ..What Waiting In The Wrong Line at CVS Taught Me About Online Customer Service =-.

  12. also? you would NEVER want to use the bathroom at my local mcdonalds. way too many people have hovered before you. ew.
    .-= melissa´s last blog ..A Quick Giveaway… =-.

  13. and it is for that EXACT REASON that i do not hover. i line the toilet. but no. hovering is a prelude to a disaster of the urine on the pants, shoes and floor kind.

  14. OMG. HYSTERICAL!!!!!!!!!!!

    trisha
    .-= trisha´s last blog ..Reflecting… =-.

  15. LMAO! I’m not a hover type for that reason. Those are the ones who leave pee all over the seat when you go in next. Gross, because I know as women if we sit, we don’t splash up on the seat.

    I think you’re right about being a mom and knowing where the clean bathrooms are. It starts with pregnancy hand having to pee every 2 minutes. There were a couple times we were traveling and there was nowhere but a gas station and I just went behind in the weeds behind the gas station because the bathroom was so nasty.
    .-= Amanda´s last blog ..Graphics Sale =-.

  16. LOL! Thanks for sharing! This mama has a list of clean places to use the potty, too. Pottery Barn Kids and Build a Bear usually are pretty good!

    Never, never use the general Mall potty! Blech.
    .-= Bridgette´s last blog ..WINNERS! =-.

  17. HIGH-larious!
    SO just made my morning:) Never heard the term hovering..thanks for the enlightenment, and the warning.
    .-= meredith´s last blog ..Saving Grace…or how I get thru a typical Monday. =-.

Leave a Comment

*

CommentLuv badge