Over the weekend I was cleaning out the kid’s closet and came across some old clothes of mine I had stuffed in the back. They were clothes that I’ve held onto for over five years. Clothes I wore before getting pregnant with my first child, over five years ago. Clothes that I wore when I was childless, could afford to buy at J Crew and when I dressed daily for a job where you had to look nice.
I kept these clothes through both of my pregnancies. I packed them up and shipped them out to Hawaii with me, even though I was sure I wouldn’t get much use out of clothes that had “dry clean only” on their labels. You never know, and you never get rid of a classic black suit that fits, or used to fit. But honestly, I don’t know why I kept them. Perhaps I couldn’t, or didn’t want to, let go of my old life. The more tailored, the more put together, the more in control, old me.
I ruffled through the old clothes and found a skirt of mine that I used to LOVE. Tailored perfectly, with chevron stripes, a zipper and hook on the side with lining and all. And yes, made by J Crew, my old best friend.
I tried it on.
And it fit. Maybe even better than before. Now I have hips, small hips but hips just the same, thanks to my kids. These hips, I tell you, they filled that skirt as it was intended to be filled.
And I felt GOOD.
I felt REALLY REALLY GOOD.
I wore the skirt yesterday. Not with a matching sweater set or suit jacket as I had when I was in sales but with a cotton tank top, flip flops, and some beachy jewelry. And I fell in love all over again. With my old clothes.
I found myself again. Just with that one old skirt I felt like ME. Like SARAH. Not “Cam and Leah’s mom”. But SARAH.
Yesterday I found a small piece of me from the days long gone and brought her into my life now. And while we only went to the market and did laundry, it felt good and we got along splendidly.
My what an old skirt can do.
(and yes, now I am stalking J Crew for sales in hopes that I can marry this new, Mom-me, with the old me. I think it can be accomplished.)